I wanted to write a little blog post about ‘Believe’. And I planned to use a simple math problem to explain ‘Believe’. So, I sat down at the computer, pulled up Calculator and keyed in two 3 digit numbers, at random, in order to use them in my blog post. I keyed in 273 and 481. The math problem becoming 273 x 481 = ??? But when I entered the equals = … it gave me the answer 131313. And I was perplexed by the odds of the outcome. Because just earlier this day I made a fun screenshot which had those exact same numbers … 131313. You maybe can imagine my surprise of the ‘Synchronicity’. Anyway, I decided to tell this story, and do the ‘Believe’ blog post at a later time:)
Edit: This post relates to Vous allez tout savoir, maxqubit
Desire is a funny thing. A lot of people have said a lot of things about Desire. Want to read about it? Just use Google. I will say the following. To fill my blog. What is Desire? The answer is simple.
Desire is wishing for something which I don’t have at this moment.
Read that sentence again. Slowly. And see that there are 3 elements in there
– This moment (Now)
As we can’t do anything about the Now, we are stuck with I and Wishing. But the ‘whishing’ is a spontaneous affair. It bubbles up and we can’t do anything about that either. So that leaves us with I. The center. Who experiences Desire? I do. I and Desire are two sides of the same coin. I am Desire.
I am Desire
Life = Desire to Be
Death = Desire to Not Be
I am beyond Life and Death
Mensen zijn in het algemeen verdomd goed in het zien van ‘fouten’ bij een ander. Lastiger is het om de ‘fouten’ bij jezelf te zien. Maar, het is te doen. Echter ben je zover gevorderd dat je dat kan, dan zal je merken dat je ook daar weinig mee opschiet … want de ‘fout’ is immers al gemaakt. Je kan het niet meer terugdraaien. Kortom, je hebt er weinig aan. Hooguit kan je zeggen ‘Ik zal proberen het niet meer te doen’, maar ja, doe dat maar eens. Dan moet je op je tenen gaan lopen. En dat is ook niet de bedoeling (kom je achter)
Johan Cruijff zei het nog cryptischer … ‘Voordat ik een fout maak, maak ik die fout niet’
Onbegrijpelijk misschien, maar hij bedoelde hetzelfde. Je schiet er weinig mee op, met al dat gepraat over ‘fouten’ en hoe ze te voorkomen. Tuurlijk, gezwets van Max met een biertje op, soms heb ik dat nog. Maar gelukkig, ik ben niet meer zo fana als 10 jaar terug, want ook daar ben ik verder weinig mee opgeschoten:)
Well, it’s not a slide, because I faked the effect with aid of DxO. But if it had been a slide the title still would be correct according to René Magritte, because a real slide you would be able to hold in your hand, whereas this slide is only an image on your screen … :)
Shot with Nikon D60 + AF-S DX NIKKOR 35 mm f/1.8G | Camera settings: 35 mm, 1/100 sec, f/2.8, ISO 1600, -0.67 eV | RAW processed with Lightroom 5, DxO FilmPack 5 and Silver Efex Pro 2 (2016)
And the Master replied, ‘Accept everything’
Another man said, ‘I want to believe, but sometimes I have doubts’
And the Master replied, ‘Doubt everything’
Then another man said, ‘I accept the way of God, but I sometimes still have doubts’
And the Master replied, ‘It is Man’s destiny to accept. It is Man’s destiny to doubt. This is the way of God’
A forth and last man then asked. ‘Should I accept my doubts, or should I doubt to accept?’
The Master said nothing
I was 10 years old. An avid Feyenoord fan. So I hated Ajax. And I hated Cruijff for being the genius within and behind that golden Ajax team. Cruijff. A genius. I watched the sunday sports program on TV. January 2nd, 1972. Ajax played the away match against ADO. Ajax was 1 – 0 behind. Then Cruijff received a long pass from defender Krol. Cruijff one-touched the ball, in one flow ran after it and with a second touch curved it over keeper Ton Thie. I was disgusted. Bloody Ajax and bloody Cruijff did it again. Cruijff was a genius. I could see that. But he played for the wrong team.
It took a long, long time … But finally my hatred melted away.
Cruijff, in his last season as professional soccer player played for Feyenoord. To make some point. Maybe he did make a point to me. Where I saw 2 teams, Cruijff only saw 1 game. The great game of soccer. Cruijff showed that soccer is what matters, not which side you are on. Cruijff choose the other team, the sworn enemy. He played for Feyenoord, and made them champion that season. It was utter brilliance. I cheered for Feyenoord. But Cruijff had showed me soccer.
My hatred was gone. And I started to love the genius Cruijff.
Out … of … this … world. This track has a personal meaning to me. In 1989 I had a physical breakdown (due to doing a bit too much in too little time:), Pfeiffer syndrome with complications. Anyway, at the height of that crises I was lying in bed for dead … the TV was on, and with half an eye open I vaguely saw THIS clip. At the time it was aired multiple times. And it is the only thing I remember. I was very ill … and this clip was playing. A hallucinating experience.
This track is part of my Music One playlist
At the core, I am a programmer. But I hardly program. 90% of the time I do other things. I listen to people who want things to be done. I ask questions, basic question, starting from zero, to understand everything the people say. To see the large picture, to feel how the data flows. To mold all these things into an complex looking but elegantly simple solution. I don’t make notes. I sketch. Sketch the flow. We brainstorm. I ask and re-ask questions until everything becomes clear. Clear to me. And when it is clear to me and elegantly put into a flow it, seemingly by miracle, also becomes more clear to those people. By taking time and energy to understand the people I ‘get the picture’. And the people get what they want, wrapped in a nice sketch. The sketch I use as a reminder as the thing starts to become alive inside my head. Inside my head is the virtual picture of what the people want.
At the core I am a programmer. I did a lot today but I have yet to program a line of code:)
But hey … that now exactly IS CHARLIE … Charlie after all stands for freedom (of speech, of what you do or whatever). Quite easy to say ‘Je suis Charlie’ … yup, but in reality it is damned difficult to live by.
So, if one guy is laughing and the other trying to get in the front row, and the news is reporting this in full, whatever … that IS freedom. So let them do their thing. That, imho is the real spirit of Charlie. Let people do their thing.
The Charlie killers didn’t let Charlie do ‘their thing’. But of course Charlie didn’t let the pope or some iman do ‘their thing’. Nobody lets the other do ‘their thing’ … and that is the trouble. Very subtle.
That is (being) the one side of a coin. But you should be (and you are) the whole coin. So, be careful when you choose a side:)
There are a lot of ways to this one coin (which you already are), but with many a divine (seemingly wrong) deviation. I take my inspiration from Advaita Vedanta. I stumbled on this over 10 years back, struggling to find out what all is about. Advaita Vedanta gave me a way to look at things. Your way might be different. In the end it is all Gods (Allah’s, Brahmas, whatever) work so nothing is lost … in the end. But in the between time things can look quite terrible.
Just do your own thing;)
About halfway into the movie, it is revealed that ‘No one sees Gold, but Gold sees everything’. Mr. Gold stands for Consciousness. The invisible Gold runs everything. Jake Green (you) doesn’t know this in the beginning of the movie. He is not conscious of Gold (himself). During the movie, Jake slowly realizes his real position. He becomes conscious of Gold. Matters are run by Gold. Jake is run by Gold, but so are the others. Everytime Jake thinks he is in control, something comes up to show him that this is not the case. In the end, Jake is beaten by Avi in a chess game, a final hint that Jake is not, and never was in control. It is Gold who is in control. Jake still has to unravel this. He is stripped down from everything he has (like money, life, control, etc.) and he has to face all his ‘enemies’ of which Dorothy Macha is the biggest enemy. In reality, Macha is also run by Gold (note: At one point Macha is saying ‘This is Sam Gold I’ve found myself chained to, Mr Black Magic, Mr I-run-this-game Gold’). Avi, a messenger from Gold (note: In the movie the characters wonder ‘Even Gold does not touch Avi. Why?’), says ‘Time for that meeting, give him, Macha, what he wants’. Jake needs to do this final test. To see reality through all fake (as in play, not real) thought patterns. Is Macha in control, stronger than Jake, or will Gold finally ‘reveal’ himself? Macha is threatening Jake’s niece at gunpoint. Which is Gold’s ultimate play/trick to see if Jake falls for this. But Jake does nothing, he has realized that Gold runs the show, so he doesn’t interfere anymore with Golds play. He doesn’t have to interfere because he can’t interfere, and he never could interfere. The other way around, it is Gold’s play that Jake stands there doing nothing and Macha crumbles. It is Gold’s grace that the truth is finally revealed to Jake. Jake and Gold, and Macha for that matter, are one. But Macha isn’t needed anymore, because the truth about Macha, and the old Jake, is exposed. Macha and Jake are run by the grace of Gold, are (playful) creations of Gold. Macha kills himself and the movie ends.
The point is that Mr. Gold was, is and always will be running the show. Whatever the contents of the show is. It is the invisible Gold who runs the show, and at the same time is playing to be Jake and Macha and all the ‘supporting cast’. Gold’s show is so convincing that he forgets he is Gold and starts to believe in his creations Jake and Macha. All for the sake of playing. The better the forgetting, the more real the show seems to be. Subtle hints, from Gold to Jake (in reality from Gold to himself) are needed to remind what the real situation is. In the end, Jake is enlightened and has ‘realized’ himself as Gold. Macha, the imaginary enemy, is ‘dead’, and so is the old Jake. Of course, leave one letter out, and things become more clear. Leave out the ‘L’ in Gold and you get God:)
(It is possible that my explanation is different from what Guy Ritchie had in mind, but in that case I guess it is for Mr. Gold to clear this up. Btw, funny, the way of Gold was that I was hinted on, the existence of, this movie by some remark by some guy. It took me no time to find and torrent it, but I shelved it for 2 years. There is no other way.)
Revolver. A truly great movie. (imdb)
A living miracle.
I posted the following on YouTube: Fantastic!!!!!! When Rachel picked up the flute with her left hand AND played it together with right hand piano I lost it completely … how is this even possible. It sounds so good. I absolutely love the piano and you Rachel have an incredible touch!!
(I’m a Keith Emerson fan for 40 years now. Rachel Flowers is blind)
At 00 I accepted the world as it came to me
At 10 I was playing in the world
At 20 I was learning about the world
At 30 I was trying to change the world
At 40 I was giving it up
At 50 I started to accept the world (again)
Shot with Nikon D5100 + AF-S DX NIKKOR 35 mm f/1.8G, 35 mm, 1/40 sec, f/2.2, ISO 640, RAW, Lightroom 5, Silver Efex Pro 2 (2013)
Once Upon a Time in the West (1968) (IMDb) is a really great movie. A classic, #23 in the top 250 IMDb list, which I never saw until a few years ago. Why did I wait so long to watch this classic? Well, I postponed it everytime. No problem, you might think. And that is what I was thinking too. I always postponed it because the movie is quite long (2,5 hours) and there seemed always ‘other things’ to be done which looked to be even more fun, or so I reasoned. So, I postponed it with ‘I will watch it later’ … and I used that ‘excuse’ for 25+ years (since my student years).
So, iirc, 2 years ago I was at home, a saturday evening late, 23.00h. And for me that is normally a time to pickup the controller for some XBOX gaming, or perhaps do some internet surfing or photo processing using Lightroom or whatever. I seldom watch TV or movies anymore (gaming/pc/internet/music/photo hobby took over).
But I still have this thought in the back of my head that I’ve NOT seen all great, classic movies. Movies in the top 250 list on IMDb. And ‘Once Upon a Time in the West’ is one of them. Movies that I really should see, during THIS life if possible;)
So, my wife went to bed, and I wanted to switch off the TV but fun/zapped through some channels before switching off … and hit upon a movie that just had started … Once Upon a Time in the West!
A thought came up. The usual thought;)
– Max: ‘Hmmm, I will watch it later. Now I want to play some games’.
But I had not counted on another Max (Max2) appearing on the scene and starting a ‘discussion’ with the first Max (Max1)
– Max2: ‘Look Max(1), you always come up with that excuse. When WILL you watch this movie?’
And now I suddenly had this conversation with myself;) (with the movie already running)
– Max1: ‘Yeah, I know. But I can rent it or download it and watch it when I have some time. Now, I want to play some games’
– Max2: ‘Games, games? Always those games? What about watching the movie NOW! ?’
– Max1: ‘Now? … as in Right Now?’
– Max2: ‘Sure mate. Right Now! Because you are postponing watching this movie for over 25 years now. And in another 25 years you are DEAD!’
– Max1: ‘….errrr, Dead?’
– Max2: ‘Braindead, of all that Call of Duty and Battlefield gaming nonsense. Look, in another 25 years you will be 70+ with death closing in fast!’
– Max1: ‘Hmmm, perhaps you are right. I DO postpone it everytime’
– Max2: ‘So, will you watch the movie?’
– Max1: ‘Well, I could start with watching, and see …’
So, I started to watch this movie, but a few times during watching, Max1 reared his head and tried some pityfull attempts at yet another postponement:) …. like in this attempt (30 minutes into the movie) …
– Max1: ‘Errrr, Max2, perhaps I could now stop watching this movie, which is really great and all, and watch the rest at a later time? (cause I really want to play some games)’
– Max2: ‘SHUT THE FUCK UP AND WATCH THE GODDAMNED MOVIE!!!!!’
And so, me, Max1 and Max2 watched this fantastic movie till the very end. Is the movies so ‘slow’ for real or was that just to tease me even more? I mean, the last shoot out was only a few minutes, feeling like 1000 light years;)
But here you go. The ‘voices in my head’. Max1 and Max2. Always argueing what is ‘best’ for me. But I’m really glad that Max2 had his way. I DID see ‘Once Upon a Time in the West’, and heard the fabulous music score (shivers) … now I have only 249(*) other ‘classics’ to go:)
Once Upon a Time in the West: 10/10
(*) A matter of speech of course. Because I did see a lot of those movies already. But there are also a lot of movies on that top 250 list which I still have to see first time (yup, time IS running out;)
During my search for the truth, I have become more sensitive for certain matters. I was always a science/logic/proof guy, with the idea that you could ‘explain’ everything. I studied Physics and Mathematics, just because I was better with numbers and logic than with language and culture. And because of this background I tried to put the world inside my frame of knowledge, the frame being numbers and formula’s. No problem, everybody does this. I’m just normal;)
Anyway, somewhere back in my head (or was it my heart) there were other forces which pointed to a non-science side of things. I always knew this but first I had to reach the ‘limits of science’ to be able to start to accept that other side.
One of the curious things about hard science is the ‘battle’ with the extremely puzzling nature of Quantum Physics. Puzzling, because Quantum Physics is very difficult to understand for the brain. Quantum Physics turns things upside down and redirects everything back to YOU, the ‘Observer’. And there seems no way around this. Quantum Physics is very difficult to put ‘in a box’. Schrödinger tried to put his cat in a box. But as we know, ‘curiosity’ killed the cat:)
But the thing that really stupefied me was an article called Is the moon there when nobody looks? (Reality and the quantum theory) … To me this was ‘not done’. Because I started with university to learn how things worked, not to learn that this is impossible. You can’t even be sure of the Moon? … Damn, it was such a ‘shock’ for me that I just laughed it away.
But, you know, it kept being intriguing. And give it 20 more years, with Reality helping you to give in a bit, and things start to fall in place, like a puzzle. Fun things, not too hard stuff. One of those things was ‘luck’. I started to think about ‘luck’. Now what is ‘luck’ exactly? Or another word, ‘coincidence’. What is that exactly?
If you want to get a real hard scientific grip on luck or coincidence you have to have a ‘formula’. A theory and a proof. A ‘repeatable’ process to proof the theory. In order so that we can decide by definition that:
Happening A is luck
Happening B is not-luck
But … I don’t know of any existing theory, or ‘formula of luck’. Is there a definition? And if so, where does luck stop and non-luck start? Let’s see:
Suppose you lost your car keys …
A. You know they must be in your home. You find them … we call this ‘normal’ or non-luck
B. You had them when you arrived from work (your car is in front of your home). They are not in your home, but in the end you find them just outside your door. Probably fallen out of your pocket when you entered the house … we call this still ‘normal’ non-luck
C. Take B, but with the addition that you walked to the shops nearby and returned home. You can’t find your keys in your home, nor near the car. You decide to walk again the route to the shops and … damn, there you see your keys, just outside the baker shop … we call this? … Well you start to be lucky:)
D. Take C but even with walking/searching back and forth to the shops. No keys. In the evening the neighbour rings at your door. Are these your keys? Yessss! How/where did you find them? The neighbour tells he found them on the street, not knowing the owner. He wanted to bring them to the police but heard your daughter talking to his daughter that her daddy (you) was in a bad mood because he had lost his car keys. The neighbour did put 1 and 1 together and presto … You have your keys back … Now, my dear readers. This surely IS luck:)
But where exactly does non-luck stop and luck start? Somewhere between B and C perhaps. But by what definition? Or in other words, ‘what is the formula of luck?’
You see, when I, with all my logic background, started to think about these things, I couldn’t find an answer, but luck and non-luck still floated around like always. I had good lucky days, ‘normal’ non-lucky days and even bad unlucky days, but there was no formula involved. The idea that ‘no formulas were needed’ gained ground and I became more soft. Add to this my now 10 year active ‘search’ and my gradual ‘acceptance’ of the non-science side and I simply had to leave the path of putting everything in boxes, finding fomula’s for everything. Trying to arrange everything. Seeing ‘Reality’ as work, work to be done because Reality ‘has to be fixed’ (as if God slipped up and I was needed to help him out … lol;)
I became more sensitive for luck, coincidence, etc. and started to see these happenings as little ‘gifts’. And ‘the formula of luck’? … I had to conclude that the only real solution to luck/non-luck is that it simply does NOT exist for real. luck/non-luck only exists in your mind. ‘It’ happens, and sometimes we call that luck;)
20 years ago, when my girlfriend lived in France I went many a weekend to her. Friday after work, around 18.00h, I started my 7 hour, 800 km car trip to her place. Fighting against the sleep and boredom of the highways (btw, I always was glad to pass and drive through Paris, the ‘Boulevard Périphérique’, because the hefty traffic activity woke me up, adrenaline rush and all;) Anyway, I once had the following interesting thought while still hours (say 6 hours) away from my girlfriend. I thought, wouldn’t it be nice to be asleep, and wake up on arrival. Ok, I would ‘loose’ 6 hours of my life to sleep, but I would also avoid the highway boredom, the endless dark roads, the fatigue … and Paris. I did sharpen the question even more to ‘would I give up 6 hours of my life to instantly be with my girlfriend’, the idea being that time simply would be fast forwarded 6 hours. Or in other words:
Would I sell 6 hours of my life to the devil, to have devilish pleasures early? (there were reasons why I went there;)
But I decided against the ‘proposal’. Somehow, in the back of my mind, it didn’t seem like a good idea after all. Sure, 6 hours of boring darkness ahead, but who knows what would turn up in those 6 hours? Radio programs, traffic jams, ‘interesting’ people at a patrol stations, coffee from a machine, the lights of Paris, the stars in the sky, the thoughts in my head … and my girl friend waiting at the end?
Hmm … I straightened my back, turned up the volume of the radio, zipped by the city of Lille with Paris ahead. Patience is a virtue and Life is precious. Enjoy every minute, even the most tiresome and boring. So, keep your eyes on the road, traveller, and don’t fall asleep;)